Opening up

This is my commitment for 2017:

  1. Less filter, more fun
  2. Risk
  3. Daring and sharing
  4. Full speed ahead
  5. Less doubting, more shouting

Have you ever had a day/month/year where your entire belief system changed? Last weekend, I was in Washington, D.C. for what is sure to be remembered by all as a historical moment for decades or even centuries to come. To be a part of such a large group of determined, outraged, hopeful, loving individuals even though I myself felt doubtful, afraid, confused, overwhelmed, and helpless changed everything I thought about myself and what I can do in this world. Just to be clear: I feel like an alien abducted my mind. I’m the type of person who doesn’t do/say anything without first thinking, “Do I really know enough about X to do/say that right now? How can I be sure to let people know that I’m unsure and that I’m aware I’m unsure and that they have every right to mistrust my knowledge/abilities?” After my trip, that feeling was just gone. Not gone as in I-worked-on-it-and-got-therapy-to-overcome-it, not gone as in I’m-still-doubful-but-I’ll-pretend-I’m-not. Truly gone, like it was literally snatched from me like a parent finally snatches a security blanket from a child the day before the first day of kindergarten and never gives it back. People probably aren’t going to like me as much, but it’s not that I don’t want to care about that, it’s that I literally can’t anymore. It feels like someone did surgery and took that part of me out. I’m sure this could be a temporary thing, though, so I decided to start this blog and write this post so that if this me fades and the old me comes back, I can look here for courage the rest of the year.